and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
