I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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