it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
