bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
