You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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