my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
