I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
