If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
