he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
