Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
