We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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