I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
