turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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