2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
