I'm really into asian looking animals
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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