If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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