Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
