Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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