I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
