Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
