so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
