Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
