Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
