I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's the barista slut.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
