Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my liver is dry heaving
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
