I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
