I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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