So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
