Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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