I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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