so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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