I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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