3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
