Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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