You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
