i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
