I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
