it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize