Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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