I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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