...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
