Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
