He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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