Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
