He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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