just come out here and I will go home with you...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
