I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
