mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
