I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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