you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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