he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
