There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
