turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize