My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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