And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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