weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it's like heaven, but drunker
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
