Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
