Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
