Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
