Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
