Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
