haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
