hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
