made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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