she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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