wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
