Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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