no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
