Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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