how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
