he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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