Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
