i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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