I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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