she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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