There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
