Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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