girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
