bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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